What is it about waiting? Waiting for a call. Waiting for a check in the mail. Waiting for a friend to come by. Waiting for a job. Waiting, waiting, waiting. How do you know when to wait and when to push ahead?
I've been told that God gives three (3) answers to our prayers: "Yes" "No" and "Wait." Sometimes, though, he doesn't seem to be saying anything at all, not even "wait."
I don't do waiting very well. I get "antsy", anxious, a little afraid....
No matter what I am waiting on, I just don't do waiting very well. I guess that's why its one of those continuing lessons God teaches me over and over. I wish I could learn the art of waiting. I wish I knew the secret, the trick, to waiting patiently and calmly.
How do you wait patiently? How do you wait calmly? How long do you wait?
When do you stop waiting and start doing something again? When do you go a different direction? When do you decide you've been on the wrong path? How do you wait graciously?
I guess I will have to wait on the answer as well.
Sincerely,
Still Waiting
Monday, August 11, 2008
Vulnerability
"I've learned that the more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more in control of myself I really am." - Anonymous
Many of us feel that we can only show our strong, confident side. We believe the face we have to show the world should always be one of politeness, perfection, calm, strength, and control.
While it is certainly good and often appropriate to be in control, calm, and strong, there is another side to all of us - that part of us that feels needy, becomes frightened, has doubts, feels unloved and unwanted, and gets angry. That part of us that needs care, love and reassurrance that things will be okay. Expressing these needs makes us vulnerable and less than perfect, but this side needs our acceptance too.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable (with others) will help us build lasting relationships. Sharing our vulnerablilities helps us feel close to people, and helps others feel close to us. It helps us grow in self-love and self-acceptance. It helps us become healing agents. It allows us to become whole and accessible to others.
"Today, I will allow myself to be vulnerable with others when it's safe and appropriate to do so."
(Figuring out when it is safe to be vulnerable with others is my problem, but God is working on that in me as well.)
From "Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie
Many of us feel that we can only show our strong, confident side. We believe the face we have to show the world should always be one of politeness, perfection, calm, strength, and control.
While it is certainly good and often appropriate to be in control, calm, and strong, there is another side to all of us - that part of us that feels needy, becomes frightened, has doubts, feels unloved and unwanted, and gets angry. That part of us that needs care, love and reassurrance that things will be okay. Expressing these needs makes us vulnerable and less than perfect, but this side needs our acceptance too.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable (with others) will help us build lasting relationships. Sharing our vulnerablilities helps us feel close to people, and helps others feel close to us. It helps us grow in self-love and self-acceptance. It helps us become healing agents. It allows us to become whole and accessible to others.
"Today, I will allow myself to be vulnerable with others when it's safe and appropriate to do so."
(Figuring out when it is safe to be vulnerable with others is my problem, but God is working on that in me as well.)
From "Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie
Owning Our Power in Relationships
So many repressed memories have materialized over the past few months that I feel as if I am starting recovery from the very beginning again. I feel the horrific feelings of abuse and neglect from childhood, the feelings of no self-worth or value, of not feeling loved or wanted by parents or friends, and now there are new memories and feelings to add to them.
I have worked so hard for so long on so many issues, it almost seems unfair for someone to have to go back time and time again to deal with more and more abuse from childhood. Or for it to permeate my life to the extent that it does, waging war on friendships and relationships, and my idea of who I am, and my worth and value.
But I am learning that there is a process that I must expect, and work within, in life, in order to continue to heal and recover. And that this is a life-long process, a real journey into the self, into continual recovery & healing. And God is my guide, my instructor, my protector, my friend, my Higher Power.
This is a meditation I read on August 3rd. Again, God has perfect timing in these areas. I thought I would share it with you, as it has spoken to me so profoundly.
"So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spend so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, (hurt & unloved) and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships." - Anonymous
No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, a friend, or a child.
When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy, or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during times of stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult-child (codependency-alcohol/drug abuse...) issues, relationships can mean great stress.
We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to recognize what is happening and remember to own our power.
Practice, practice, practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves (emotionally, spiritually, physically, relationally, psychologically).
The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now. Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.
"Today, I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears, hurts, or a false sense of guilt or shame, stop me from taking care of myself."
From "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie
(For those of you who do not understand the full and complex concept of owning your own power, please visit a CoDA or Al-Anon, or any other 12-Step Meeting.)
I have worked so hard for so long on so many issues, it almost seems unfair for someone to have to go back time and time again to deal with more and more abuse from childhood. Or for it to permeate my life to the extent that it does, waging war on friendships and relationships, and my idea of who I am, and my worth and value.
But I am learning that there is a process that I must expect, and work within, in life, in order to continue to heal and recover. And that this is a life-long process, a real journey into the self, into continual recovery & healing. And God is my guide, my instructor, my protector, my friend, my Higher Power.
This is a meditation I read on August 3rd. Again, God has perfect timing in these areas. I thought I would share it with you, as it has spoken to me so profoundly.
"So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spend so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, (hurt & unloved) and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships." - Anonymous
No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, a friend, or a child.
When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy, or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during times of stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult-child (codependency-alcohol/drug abuse...) issues, relationships can mean great stress.
We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to recognize what is happening and remember to own our power.
Practice, practice, practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves (emotionally, spiritually, physically, relationally, psychologically).
The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now. Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.
"Today, I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears, hurts, or a false sense of guilt or shame, stop me from taking care of myself."
From "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie
(For those of you who do not understand the full and complex concept of owning your own power, please visit a CoDA or Al-Anon, or any other 12-Step Meeting.)
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