Owning Our Power in Relationships

So many repressed memories have materialized over the past few months that I feel as if I am starting recovery from the very beginning again. I feel the horrific feelings of abuse and neglect from childhood, the feelings of no self-worth or value, of not feeling loved or wanted by parents or friends, and now there are new memories and feelings to add to them.

I have worked so hard for so long on so many issues, it almost seems unfair for someone to have to go back time and time again to deal with more and more abuse from childhood. Or for it to permeate my life to the extent that it does, waging war on friendships and relationships, and my idea of who I am, and my worth and value.

But I am learning that there is a process that I must expect, and work within, in life, in order to continue to heal and recover. And that this is a life-long process, a real journey into the self, into continual recovery & healing. And God is my guide, my instructor, my protector, my friend, my Higher Power.

This is a meditation I read on August 3rd. Again, God has perfect timing in these areas. I thought I would share it with you, as it has spoken to me so profoundly.


"So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spend so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, (hurt & unloved) and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships." - Anonymous

No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, a friend, or a child.

When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy, or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during times of stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult-child (codependency-alcohol/drug abuse...) issues, relationships can mean great stress.

We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to recognize what is happening and remember to own our power.

Practice, practice, practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves (emotionally, spiritually, physically, relationally, psychologically).

The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now. Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.

"Today, I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears, hurts, or a false sense of guilt or shame, stop me from taking care of myself."

From "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie

(For those of you who do not understand the full and complex concept of owning your own power, please visit a CoDA or Al-Anon, or any other 12-Step Meeting.)