A Lost Friend

I just received a "note" from a lost friend today. This friend has taken a wrong turn in their lives; they have walked down a wrong path. I care deeply for this lost friend, though they do not understand the caring, the love for them, because of the twisted way they have begun to see the world; because of the wounds they have, the hurt and pain they experience, because of the anger and guilt they harbor in their hearts.

The note read, "KEEP YOUR' PRAYERS THEY ARE MEANINGLESS. DO NOT SEND ME ANYTHING ELSE. YOU ARE NO FRIEND TO ME." The note was in response to a birthday card I sent, a card with my name, and the phrase, "you are in my prayers," a card I had hoped would let my friend know that I cared. You see, I have been where he is emotionally and psycologically. I understand the guilt, the feelings of worthlessness and despair, the isolation after you have done something you know others will not approve of, others see as a misstep, a sin; the feeling that you can never go home, that it is too late, that you are a mistake and now you have ruined your life too. Even if you have moments of pleasure, of happiness, the guilt and isolation loom in the shadows, under the surface, in the back of your mind, and you can never quiet feel comfortable. There is always a nervousness that sits under your skin, and it doesn't go away. Freedom from it doesn't come, no matter what you do.

It saddened me to receive this note. I had hoped it would help to punch a small hole into that blanket of deniel, let God's light in just a little, be a voice that calls from far away "there is hope, there is a better way, there is freedom from the hurt and pain and guilt." I just wanted this friend to know that I still cared and that they were loved, and that they were not alone. So sad.

That which is in the dark will come to the light. That which holds darkness over you can be banished by the light. "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free," a quote from Jesus. There is freedom in admitting the truth, to yourself, to God, and to one other human being. The truth frees your soul. The truth opens your heart to real freedom; freedom to be who you really are, without the guilt, the scars of the past, the self-hatred, the feelings of unworthiness. The truth frees you to be the real you, the you God intended all along before you were stained by the evil in this world, before you sustained the hurt and wounds from living in turmoil and chaos.

I will not stop praying for this friend. It is right to love your friends and your enemies. It is right to pray for both. I love this friend enough to do what I believe is right and in his best interest, and that no matter what he has done, what wrong turn he has taken, there is no judgement here, only understanding of his condition, his feelings, his thoughts. And there is the prayer for him to finally, one day, begin to see the truth, begin to admit the truth, begin to tell the truth to himself, to God, and to another trusted human being. I will pray for his freedom, because that is true love. Mac 8/2007