Holidays: Lonely or Just Alone

Thanksgiving is an interesting time for me. When I was young I dreaded holidays. If you've ever seen the comic Titus, you can get an exaggerated picture of my family and how they interacted. Our household was not the Hallmark ideal that so many people remember, or wish that they could remember. So holidays were not something to look forward to, and as I grew older, I spent many holidays alone out of necessity; necessity to keep my sanity.

Saying that, being alone on a family-oriented holiday was at times very lonely. I can still have a twing of that lonely feeling on holidays when I am alone, but I don't feel unloved like I used to. I have taken the mindset that much of my daily interactions and life situations come about because of what I do or don't do. There are people who get multiply invitations to events, including holiday celebrations. And then there are people like me who may receive one invitation, but hardly ever multiple invitations. And a lot of that has to do with me.

When I extend myself socially, make friends, ones who eventually desire to spend time with me, then people think of me more often and call or invite me to go places. When I take a good look at my social skills, my current disposition (Many times I do not feel well because of health issues. I used to pretend a lot. Being in recovery begins to make pretending completely impossible at times), and how that affects those around me, I realize that my output determines the input I receive.

Right now, in my current situation, socially what I have extended myself to do maybe hasn't worked that well. More effort on my part is needed. But all in all, if I experience a holiday where I am not invited to a event or celebration, I think I will look at it as a vacation from all the busyness in my life, and realize that next year can be different, and that life is a journey of learning experiences.